Not Going Anywhere
by jenny gryffindork
Summary: Set in Deathly Hallows, after Ron leaves. Harry spends his evening watch questioning his love life, when a glance at the Marauder's Map helps him figure out some vital things. HHr pumpkin pie for all.


Long live Harmony.

Set in Deathly Hallows, after Ron leaves.

The cold seemed more unbearable lately. Ron had left only a few days ago, and still Harry felt numb inside. The drop in the temperature did not help in the slightest. Inside, Hermione was cooking dinner. She had abandoned cooking mushrooms, seeing as how Ron was angry about only eating fungi every meal. Instead, she had disapparated into a small town in order to cook some sort of pasta. The smell filled him with warmth, if only for a bit.

It was strange, being with Hermione this long and in this situation. They were, after all, best friends, but Harry felt as if something was completely off in their friendship. Perhaps it was awkward, because Ron and Hermione had fancied one another? Harry felt a sting come to him as he thought of this. Hermione always pined after Ron, and why? She was so smart, so mature, and so loving. Ron, on the other hand, was still immature as ever. Harry didn't see why she sold herself so short.

But he had no control over this. If Hermione wanted to waste away over Ron, he wasn't going to stop her. Of course, he had been in love with Hermione since the end of their third year. He never mentioned it though, or gave too much of his feelings away. Why would he? Hermione's friendship was more important than anything in the world; it kept him motivated to find every Horcrux. Harry would do everything in his power to make this world safe for Hermione, even if she didn't realize it.

Harry gave a bemused sigh. She was the essence of perfection in what he needed in his life. Never before had he met a girl so loyal, so headstrong, and so brilliant. Every year she had sacrificed herself for his safety.

First year, she helped him through every task. Then she was petrified while trying to help him solve the mystery of the Chamber of Secrets. And then she took him back in time and didn't leave his side, even when the dementors attacked. His fourth year, being picked for the Triwizard Tournament; she stood by him when no one else did. The next year in the Department of Mysteries, she almost died while helping him. It was like a trend; every year Hermione put herself last and him first. Harry had never felt more indebted in his entire life than he was to her.

But in spite of all this, she still clung to Ron and yearned for his affections. Harry felt anger rise inside of him at the thought of last year. Their friendship began to suffer as teenage hormones arose. It infuriated Harry to no end, watching Hermione cry so hard while Ron did nothing to fix it. Again, Harry wondered, why would she stay attached to him? Was she really so insecure that she felt no one else could want her?

Hermione's bright eyes and lecturing voice filled his mind, and he smiled to himself. He loved her so, but he could do nothing about it.

"Of course," Harry muttered, "it is partially my fault...I went after Ginny, stupidly enough." Harry had to admit it. He was smitten with Hermione as long as he could remember, but since last year she distanced herself, Harry took a different path. He should've gone after her and comforted her and told her how valuable she was. Instead, he saw Ginny in all her false perfection- her beauty, her laugh, her athleticism, and her wit. She lit a passion in his soul, if only for a few weeks. Harry believed that maybe, maybe if he stayed with Ginny long enough, his feelings for Hermione would vanish, and they could all be a big happy family. Foolish thinking, that was. Hermione and Ron were rubbish together, as were Ginny and Harry.

In fact, Harry could barely recall having a real conversation with Ginny. She was always so caught up in letting everyone know they were dating, and it was always physical with her. Always a quick snog here and there, but nothing more.

Hermione's pain did nothing to help either. Witnessing her destruction only made him love her more; he wanted to go to her and hug and kiss her until everything was better. Instead he stayed with Ginny, where he couldn't be rejected. He was a coward.

After Dumbledore had died and Harry had decided to go after the Horcruxes without Ginny, he did feel some loneliness. He gave many excuses, such as "I don't want you to be hurt" and "You should stay another year at Hogwarts" so she would stop persisting.

Truth was, Harry knew that this was a mission for the trio, not the trio plus one. To survive, he needed Ron and Hermione. Now, Ron was gone, and Hermione was more distant than she was last year. It seemed nothing was working out the way he wanted. This mission was beginning to fail before it had really begun.

As long as Hermione was attached to Ron, there was nothing Harry could do. It was as simple as that. Yet, it was as complicated as ever. Harry wanted- no, needed Hermione in his life, whether it be his wife, or his friend.

Harry was torn. He could either continue loving Hermione, even though it hurt every day, or he could make himself fall in love with Ginny and try and be happy. Either way, the scenario wasn't pretty. He felt a bit guilty about Ginny, though. Leading her on the way he did last year. He didn't want to be lonely, and she was there to try and fill the gap in his heart. It worked temporarily.

He imagined her sitting at Hogwarts, wondering about him and hoping he was doing alright. Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. What would he say to her if he saw her again? She was being faithful to him...would he accept her again? Or declare his love for another and live a life alone? It was probably for the best, to be alone. Facing Voldemort while having a girlfriend might cause problems, mainly for the girlfriend. But still, Ginny, so full of life, was so ready to be with him, even if it was partially for the fame. Is that what Harry wanted?

Of course not. What he wanted was inside the tent, crying over a pot of vegetables.

He had never felt more confused in his entire life.

He had to distract himself. Harry realized in his rucksack he packed the Marauder's Map, and an idea instantly came to him. Snatching it from the pocket, he said quietly, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" and watched the castle unfold before his eyes.

Ron was no where to be seen, and Harry wasn't surprised. He guessed Ron was still going with the story of being ill. In a classroom he saw Professor McGonagall pacing, just like Dumbledore used to do. She was most likely thinking of a way to continue protecting her students from the tyranny of the new headmaster, Snape, and his Death Eaters. Harry began shaking with rage when he thought of Snape, but had to calm himself as he kept looking across the castle.

Luna and Neville were in the library, Seamus was walking into the Gryffindor common room, Padma and Parvarti were in the girl's bathroom on the fourth floor, and Lavendar was sitting in her room. All of them were enjoying their year at Hogwarts, while he and Hermione sat out in the cold, risking their lives. Harry felt a pang of jealousy. Even if he was the most wanted wizard at the moment, Harry wished to be at Hogwarts. He missed it dreadfully.

Scanning the map again, he finally found Ginny- but she wasn't alone. She was on the second floor, standing a few feet apart from Michael Corner. He was a Ravenclaw, Harry's age, and he and GInny had dated during her fourth year.

Harry watched with a feeling of utter disgust as he witnessed Ginny's dot and Michael's dot smash together. They stayed in that spot for at least a minute, until finally the two moved apart. Then, they were running, as though holding hands, to the nearest room. Harry guessed it was a closet, or broom cupboard. They joined together again, moving all about the tiny area. Harry watched those two dots for nearly fifteen minutes.

He stood in a frenzy. "How could she do something like this?!" Harry yelled to the dark sky above him, throwing the map down in a huff.

Harry was beyond angry. He felt more betrayed by Ginny than he had Ron. Ginny, that stupid girl, couldn't even wait for him. His only chance of saving his wasted heart was her, and she couldn't even wait a few months. His insides were shaking to his very core. He couldn't have Hermione, his precious, perfect Hermione. Seeing Ginny commit this act was more than he could stand. He had no one at all. His legs were frozen with cold while he kneeled upon the snow.

"Harry?"

Hermione stood in the doorway a few feet behind him, wand at the ready. Her eyes were red, and her hair was bushy as ever. She looked deeply concerned, and Harry could feel that concern engulf him where he knelt.

"Tell me, what has happened?"

Harry shook his head. "Ginny...I saw her do somethings with someone on the map...and I just lost it. I'm sorry Hermione, I shouldn't have created a commotion." It was less than a second and Harry felt Hermione's hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything, and Harry was grateful. Her touch filled him with warmth, a feeling he had missed for so long. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her on the spot, knowing he had nothing to lose, but something held him back. If that move jeopardized their friendship, he'd truly be alone.

"Come inside, Harry, it's time for you to eat something."

He nodded slowly, and he took her hand as they went inside. She held onto his fingers all the way into the kitchen. Harry noticed this and was filled with a small sense of happiness.

Hermione's cheeks were a pretty red from standing above the steaming pasta all night. Harry knew right then that she was the most beautiful girl he had laid eyes on. Everything, from her deep brown eyes to her wild hair, to her tiny nose and mouth, he loved it. He stared at her lips, watching with interest as she bit them softly while serving his portion of dinner.

Her lips moved, snapping him out of his reverie. "Here, Harry." She smiled as he nodded his appreciation.

They sat down together at the table, and the silence was comfortable. Nothing like the awkward ones that had filled the tent nights before. Hermione would grasp his hand every once in awhile and squeeze it encouragingly, leaving Harry completed bewildered. For some reason, it felt as if Hermione were emboldened by his outburst earlier about Ginny. She hadn't touched him this way for days. But why?

"Harry..." Hermione began. "I really am sorry about the entire Ginny thing...maybe they were just talking?"

Harry gave a derisive snort. "Come off it Hermione, you and I both know you aren't that dimwitted. I know what I saw, and we both know what it means. It's for the best, I suppose."

"Oh Harry!" Hermione declared, her eyes looking at him with such compassion. "I am so sorry! I know it must hurt-"

"Of course you know, Hermione. You've spent the past few years pining after Ron, even when he treated you awfully."

She looked to be on the verge of tears, and Harry immediately regretted his outburst. "Oh, no, Hermione! I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean it-"

Hermione looked at him with such anguish he had to stop. Instead of retorting, she decided to ignore everything Harry said. She continued her earlier statement.

"I know it must hurt, Harry...I know you loved her dearly." Hermione looked as though she were going to sob openly any minute. Suddenly, Harry felt the need to comfort her again. He wanted to hold her, kiss her, whisper sweet nothings into her ear. And what was holding him back? Sure, their friendship was at stake, but wouldn't it be better if Hermione was somewhere else, safe and secure? Was he really worth her risking her life over?

"Hermione, I don't love Ginny."

"But- Harry...what?"

He looked straight into her eyes. "I don't love her."

Hermione looked extremely shocked and hopeful all in one. "What do you mean, Harry?"

"I mean simply that. I don't love her."

"But...all last year...you and her...the Burrow, before the wedding..!"

Harry sighed. It was now or never. His Gryffindor courage began to build.

"Hermione, I have never truly loved Ginny. I made myself try and love her so I would stop being in love with another, another who would never have me. I tried everything. I figured being with Ginny would cause my affection for the other to diminish, and I could try and be happy. But this other girl, she was- is- my best friend, and she's been with me from the beginning. I soon realized that no childish crush could take that place. And seeing Ginny in that closet with Michael made me realize even more that I have no hope in ever getting over the one girl I've always loved. And it hurts, because she loves another. I can never have her, and now Ginny cannot help me in overcoming my deepest feelings. So I must end up alone, like it should be."

Harry decided it would be best to keep his eyes away from Hermione. He felt her warm hand slide away from his, and he knew at that very moment he had lost her. Any moment now she'd be packing the tent and leaving, just like Ron had. It was for the best, right?

"Harry?"

Oh, bloody hell. She was beginning to cry.

"Harry, please look at me."

He did, and wished he hadn't. Hermione was forming rapid amounts of tears in her eyes, her cheeks were bright red, and her bottom lip was quivering. She looked so beautiful, and so sad. Harry's heart was beginning to tear in two.

"Hermione, I have to say this," said Harry, when Hermione tried to speak. "If I don't say it now, I'll never bring up the courage to say it again." He stood from where he was sitting and began to pace in front of her.

He paused, inhaled deeply, and said clearly, "I love you, Hermione Jane Granger. I love everything about you, from your wild hair to your quick brain; from your brown eyes to your beautiful blush; from your stern lectures to your laugh. Everything I have done has been for you. I only went for Ginny because I knew that you were devoted to Ron and gaining his affections, and I didn't want to come between that. Like I told you just now, I figured my affections would go away and we could all be happy together, but I was wrong. I've loved you for four years, Hermione. There is no one else in this world who could be perfect for me. I need you like air in my lungs, like a Snitch in a Quidditch match, like books in a library! I sound silly, I know, and I assume you'll want to leave, but I want you to know, Hermione, that I love you."

It took Hermione five seconds to register his words, look him in the eyes, stand up from her seat, and fling herself into his arms.

"Oh Harry!" she cried, and held him so close that Harry's head was spinning. He had expected her to run away for her life, yet here she was, hugging him close. "Oh Harry, I can't believe you're saying this to me!"

Hermione released herself from the embrace, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was smiling. "This cannot be true!"

"But Hermione!" said Harry, looking as bewildered she she did. "I thought you loved Ron!...all last year, you were after him!"

She began wiping away tears, but Harry swatted her tiny hands and did the job instead. Hermione shook her head fiercely and began to laugh. "No, if you can believe it. Harry, I've loved you since you saved me from the troll. It seems we had the same problem these past few years...you were looking at Cho and Ginny, and I felt as if I couldn't match up to them. So I took advantage of Ron's affections, and last year I knew I was losing both of you. I felt so betrayed by him, but when he made it up at Dumbledore's funeral, I decided to stay with him." She sniffed. "Foolish thing for me to do, I suppose."

Harry couldn't keep the grin off of his face. His ears were yearning for her voice to continue.

"But these past few days I've realized that Ron was not meant for me. I just planned to be with him because it was convenient and I suspected you wanted Ginny all along...so I kept to myself, knowing I had to keep my feelings in control. I didn't wan to lose you, too."

The two of them smiled at a sudden realization. "You know, Hermione, we were in quite similar situations. For being some of the brightest students in our year, we really are oblivious."

"Those stupid Weasleys," said Hermione, as she tucked her head into his chest. Harry felt as if he were soaring. In only a few short minutes, he had the one thing he desired more than anything. Their dinner was forgotten, and for the next few minutes the two stayed in the warm embrace, both too stubborn to be the first to move. Suddenly, Harry jerked away.

"Hermione, we can't do this."

"Why ever not?" Hermione exclaimed. She looked at him as if he had gone completely mental.

"Hermione, he will use this against me! As if you aren't in enough danger because of me! The last thing I need is for you to be hurt-"

"Harry, you know more than I do that you are being completely ridiculous. If I was concerned about the chances of being in danger, I would have never come with you in the first place. I love you, Harry Potter, and there is nothing that can change that. We need each other, and you know it. I'm not leaving."

Hermione, stubborn as ever. Harry knew that putting up an argument would most likely result in a bad ending for him. She looked at him so passionately and so sure of herself that Harry knew nothing would keep her from him.

"Are you sure, Hermione?" he asked, just wanting to hear her say it again.

"Yes, Harry. I love you, and I promise you I'm not going anywhere," said Hermione, looking into his eyes.

Harry stared back into her chocolate brown eyes, "I love you too, Hermione." And with that, Harry kissed her. It was different than any other kiss he had with Cho or Ginny. They paled in comparison to this. Her lips were so soft, and her hands held him to her as if he would disappear. His head began to spin, his insides churned, and chills ran down his spine.

Her dependence on him was completely evident, and Harry was so overcome with love that he pulled her even closer. They parted and stared at each other, both overwhelmed with what had transpired over the last few minutes.

"I must say, Harry. That map has helped you in many ways," Hermione giggled. The atmosphere in the tent was warm and joyful, as opposed to the gloomy state it had been in before. Harry was delighted, and hugged Hermione to him. He lead her into the room with the warm bed, and gently laid her on the sheets. He joined her on the other side, and tonight, Harry held her close as they slept.

She wasn't going anywhere, that was certain.


End file.
